Taking Care of Yourself Isn't Selfish

I've had this conversation more times than I can count, usually with a woman who has been taking care of other people for thirty years straight.

She'd like to start exercising. She'd like to eat better and sleep more. And somewhere in the middle of saying so, she apologizes for it.

I understand where it comes from. Many of us were raised on the idea that a good Christian woman puts herself last, and there's real truth underneath that. Love does mean sacrifice. Serving others is not optional for people who follow Jesus.

But somewhere the wires got crossed, and "put others first" turned into "your own health doesn't count." That's not in Scripture. That's just exhaustion with a Bible verse taped to it.

Stewardship is a better word than self-care

I'm not fond of the phrase self-care. It's been sold to us as candles and bath salts and a day away from your responsibilities. That's a nice afternoon, but it isn't what I'm talking about.

What I'm talking about is stewardship. You were given a body. You were given energy, and time, and years. Managing those well so they keep working is not indulgence. It's the same kind of sense that has you change the oil in the car and fix the roof before it leaks through the ceiling.

Nobody calls it selfish to maintain a house you live in. This is the house you live in.

Running on empty isn't a virtue

Here's the practical side, and it isn't spiritual at all.

A woman who's exhausted is not more patient. She's less. A woman who's in pain from a back she never took care of isn't more available to her family. She's less. A woman who hasn't slept properly in three years isn't sharper at work or kinder at church.

Depletion doesn't make you more generous. It makes you shorter tempered and less able to do the very things you were depleting yourself for.

I've watched women hand out everything they have for years and then find themselves in their sixties unable to do the things they most wanted to do with that season. Not because they did anything wrong. Because nobody ever told them that keeping themselves in reasonable condition was part of the job.

What this looks like on a regular Tuesday

None of this requires a retreat or a schedule overhaul.

• Eat something that will hold you. Protein at breakfast instead of coffee and whatever's on the counter. [Nutrition](/nutrition) has simple ideas if you want them.
• Move for twenty minutes. Strength twice a week, a walk most days. It doesn't need to be more than that.
• Go to bed. The last hour of scrolling is rarely worth what it costs you tomorrow.
• Take the rest day. [Restore](/restore) exists for the days when pushing is the wrong answer.
• Keep your appointments. The physical, the mammogram, the bone scan, the dentist. Women put these off for everyone else's schedule. Please don't.
• Pray honestly. Not a performance. Just telling God the truth about how tired you are. The [prayer journal](/prayer-journal) is private for a reason.

That's it. Twenty minutes and a few decisions. You don't need permission and you don't need to explain it to anyone.

An important thing I don't want to be misunderstood about

I want to say this carefully, because I've seen this teaching go badly wrong.

Being sick is not a failure of stewardship. Neither is a chronic condition, a body that limits you, an injury, or a season where all you can manage is getting through the day. Faithful people get ill. Faithful people live with pain. That is not judgment and it is not a verdict on how well you've cared for yourself.

Stewardship means doing what you reasonably can with what you actually have. For one woman that's lifting weights three times a week. For another it's a short walk down the driveway and a doctor's appointment she's been dreading. Both are faithful. Neither is more spiritual than the other.

If something in your health worries you, talk to your doctor. That's stewardship too, maybe the most important kind.

The point isn't you

Here's where this all lands for me, and it's why the guilt argument never made sense.

I don't take care of myself so I can admire the result. I take care of myself so I can keep showing up. For my family. For my church. For friends who need a ride or a meal or someone to sit with them. For whatever work God still has for me, which I assume is not finished.

Strength has a purpose beyond your own body. That's the whole reason we built the [Do Good](/do-good) side of HolyFit45 rather than stopping at workouts. Health that only serves itself gets small and a little sad. Health that's aimed at something stays interesting for decades.

And I'll say plainly: that's an invitation, not an assignment. If you're in a season where you can barely care for yourself, you're not failing anybody. Let people carry you for a while. There will be time to carry someone else later.

If you've been putting yourself last for a long time

Start with one thing. Truly one.

Maybe it's breakfast with actual protein in it. Maybe it's a walk after supper. Maybe it's finally scheduling the appointment. Pick the one you've been avoiding the longest, and do that one this week.

And if doing it alone feels like one more thing on your list, it helps to have company. That's a good deal of what the [community](/community) inside HolyFit45 is for. Women in the same season, quietly cheering each other on, no comparison and no performance.

"Let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we don't give up." — Galatians 6:9

Notice that it accounts for weariness. Paul isn't scolding tired people. He's telling them to keep going, which assumes they'll need to be in shape to do it.

Take care of yourself. Not instead of loving people. So you can keep on doing it.